Don't Quit Your Day Job
by Dude13
Summary: Kathy attempts to help teach Frankie a thing or two about yoga. Unfortunately, it doesn't take very long at all until the lesson goes downhill. Oneshot.


**Author's Warning**: Like everything else, this takes place in my series, set up by the events in my first story "More Than My Friend" where the big event is that Frankie adopts Mac and becomes his guardian. If you haven't read that story yet, I strongly suggest you do so now, or else you might get terribly confused.

* * *

"Okay….remind me again..._why_ did I agree to this?" The lanky redhead murmured with an unenthusiastic grimace as she watched her friend roll out two small foam mats on her bedroom floor. Kathy only rolled her eyes.

"Because, _someone_ needs a little help when it comes to keeping her cool." She explained. "Remember? C'mon, I thought that-"

Frances "Frankie" Foster crossed her arms and broke out into a resentful scowl. "It's not like I explode into a murderous rage every hour on the hour. For crying out loud, I'm not a maniac! I just get a little stressed out now and then-"

"And when you do get a 'little' stressed, it's _not_ a pretty sight, to say the very least." Kathy interrupted.

"I know, I know." Frankie granted reluctantly with a sigh. "But do I _really_ need to go through with-"

"Lets be honest, all right?" her friend pointed out realistically. "When you lose your temper 'every now and then, you do tend to get a _teensy_ bit out of hand sometimes, and by the time the carnage is over, you're either too flustered to talk to, or you're a nice big apologetic mess. Now, if you ask _me_, I think maybe it'd be kinda nice if we had an option to your nasty little cycle-"

"C'mon, I'm working on it, at least." the caretaker, currently whined as she sheepishly toyed with the running shorts she was wearing. "I'm getting better, honest! I've been doing a lot more jogging, and I think all the exercise has really been doing a lot to keep me more relaxed, and plus-"

"Well then, a little extra help can't hurt you, can it?" Kathy promptly brushed aside the hail of protest with ease.

Frankie just shook her head in amazement as she started muttering incredulously to herself. "Yoga…I _can't_ believe you're getting me to actually try out _yoga_…of all the-"

"Give it a rest, will ya?" Kathy groaned. "You weren't this reluctant at all on the phone yesterday when I suggested-"

"Yeah, but I think that was _before_ I actually realized what you talked me into." The redhead remarked, while her self-proclaimed instructor remained as undaunted by her hesitance as ever.

"Hey, I wasn't any more sure of this when you were when I first signed up for yoga class. But trust me; you'll think it's weird now, but in just half an hour you'll wonder what you ever did without it." She proclaimed confidently. "Now, you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be, I guess." Frankie replied as she stepped upon her mat.

"Good, now let's do this." Kathy announced,sounding a bit too enthusiastic for her pupil's liking as she took her stance. "Okay, now let's start off with a little position called 'Budding Lotus', all right?"

"_You're_ the teacher." The redhead replied with a shrug. "What do I do?"

"Simple," her instructor explained. "First, start taking long, deep breaths….just niiiiiice, loooong, deeeeeep, breaths, just like….there we go, you got it… now, raise your left leg, bent it like I do, and tuck it behind your right leg, just like me…"

"Um…all right…" the bemused caretaker obediently complied as ordered, though not without wobbling about unsteadily for a few moments as she struggled to retain her balance. "Whoa! Hold on, just...gimme a moment, just...okay..."

"All steady now?" her friend inquired with an encouraging smile. "Okay, now bend your waist forward a bit, keep your chin up, and thrust out those arms…"

"Oh, jeez," Frankie groaned unenthusiastically as she did as bid, while hoping fervently no one would walk by her room and find her twisting her limbs around like she was a human pretzel. "What, are we auditioning for Cirque du Solei, or something?"

Kathy promptly ignored the wisecrack comment and continued on with the lesson. "Now, take your arms and do as I do, and stretch them out, okay? Hold out your left perfectly straight like you're reaching for something in front of you, and take your right arm and reach up for the sky-"

"….Reach up to the sky?" Frankie repeated incredulously and sighed. "For Pete's sake-"

"Hey, that's how my instructor at the rec center says it! Now, you want to learn how to help relax, or not?" Kathy snapped grumpily as the last remark drove her patience threateningly close to breaking point. "Hey, I'm not forcing you at gunpoint of anything, you told me you were willing to give this a try, and if you're not-"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry!" the redhead hastily sputtered out an apology. "Look, look, I'm doing just what you said, okay? Look, I'm reaching for the sky, all right?"

"Not quite." her friend corrected. "If you want to do this position right, you really need to stretch out those arms. C'mon, you can do it, just a little bit more…a little bit more…just a bit more…okay, now make sure you're still taking those deep breaths, and just take that right arm, and start gently moving it back behind you, nice and slowly like a-"

Without warning, Frankie elicited a shrill yelp as her right arm abruptly flopped to her side. "_OW_! What the?"

"Frankie, will you _please_ cut it out with the drama?" Kathy snarled irately. "This isn't boot camp or anything, I'm only trying to help you learn…how to…"

She rapidly trailed off as she took a closer look at her friend's arm, as did Frankie. It didn't take long for them to them realize that the limb was dangling oddly loosely, and actually appeared to be connected to her body at a slightly lower point than just a couple seconds before. At once, both were utterly overwhelmed by total shock for a few moments, and could do little more than gawk mutely at the utterly grotesque sight.

Finally though, Frankie broke the dead silence with a hoarse whimper. "…K-K-K...K-Kathy?"

"…Yeah?" Her ashen-faced friend whined as they both glanced up and gazed into each other's bugging eyes.

Frankie pointed at her dislocated shoulder, took a deep breath, then promptly screeched at the top of her lungs in disbelief. "_**THIS**__ IS SUPPOSED TO BE RELAXING_?"

As realization of what just happened finally managed to sink in, Kathy's eyes bugged to the size of ripe apples as she clapped her hands to her cheeks and started wailing in dismay."Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! Frankie, your arm, it's…it's…it's…holy mother of God, it's…-"

"Not where it's supposed to be?" Frankie snapped, before congratulating sarcastically, "Bravo, Sherlock Holmes! Bra-_vo_!"

"Oh my God, I'm _sorry_!" her horrified instructor yelled as she fought the momentary urge to faint. "Frankie, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"

"'Sorry' doesn't put my whole arm back in place!" the panicked redhead howled as she tried nursing her injury. "_OW_! Oh, son of a-"

"Jeez, did I actually make you break it, or what?" Kathy asked as she darted over and began frantically examining the wound. "Oh God, oh God…I can't believe this, I…oh God, if I seriously-"

"No, no, it's only dislocated, I think that-_OW_!" Frankie shrieked and fiercely batted the other woman's hand away. "Don't touch it! This thing already hurts like a-"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Kathy began bemoaning miserably. "I didn't think that-"

"Please, _how_ on earth did you talk me into this? _How_?" the caretaker cried before gritting her teeth in agony as her right arm flopped like the limb of a rag-doll. "_OUCH_!"

"Do we call 911? Or d-do I need to take you to the hospital?" her flustered friend started firing out a hail of questions as she started tugging at her curly black locks in her skyrocketing panic. "Or should we-"

"No, no, none of that!" Frankie answered as she desperately tried to keep her cool. "Stay calm, it's...it's _only_ dislocated, so I...I think we just need to pop this back into place and-"

"Got it!" Kathy, extremely overeager to correct the frightful mess she had made, yelped as she bolted back to her friend's side, to the redhead's alarm.

"Whoa! Hey, wait, wait! What are you-"

"Okay, on the count of three, I'm going to try and fit it back, all right?" she asked as she took hold of the repulsively limp arm.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on! Hold on!" Frankie squealed as she tried to wiggle away. "Do you even know how to-"

"One…two…" Kathy began counting as the redhead just whimpered piteously,

"Oh, n-_YOW_!"

Frankie tossed back her head and let loose with an eardrum-rupturing shriek as the other young woman tried to unsuccessfully jam her shoulder back in position, forcing sharp jolts of agony to lance throughout the redhead's body.

"_OW_! _OW_! _OW_! _OW_!" The caretaker screeched like a banshee every time Kathy tried to forcefully shove everything back into place. "Kathy, are you trying to put it back in, or rip the it off? _OW_!"

"What do you _think_ I'm trying to do?" Kathy snapped. "Stop squirming-"

"Stop squirming?" Frankie repeated incredulously as she thrashed about in pain. "_OW_! It's like someone's-_OW_! It's like someone's stabbing me repeatedly there! How about we dislocate _your_ shoulder and see how well _you _can handle it!"

"Well at least try to stay still!" Kathy begged. "C'mon-"

"Have you _ever_ helped anyone with a dislocated limb before?" the redhead suddenly demanded.

"What?" he friend paused to shoot the other woman a quizzical glance. "Well, no I-"

"That's funny, because you're _not_ helping one now, either!" Frankie snapped. "I swear, you're gonna-"

"Will you _please_ calm down?" Kathy implored miserably. "Gimme a break, I'm just a social worker, _not_ a licensed doctor! Just gimme a sec, I think I almost got it, I just need to-"

"No you don't! No you don't! No you don't!" the redhead screamed hoarsely in pain as she flailed her left arm madly. "You _don't_ almost have it, you-"

Suddenly, with a barely-audible scraping noise Frankie could actually hear emanate from within her, the excruciating torture abruptly ended, leaving her with nothing but a dull ache in her shoulder. For the next few moments, the two gasped heavily for breath as they recovered from the unpleasant little fiasco.

"Hey…hey, I…I think you got it…" Frankie managed to murmur in amazement. Kathy, still grasping her friend's arm tightly, immediately broke out into a wan grin.

"I…I-I think I did it…" she whispered before letting out wit a grateful sigh. "Oh...my God, that was-"

As she spoke, she released her hold so she could wipe away the tears of panic that had clogged her eyes during the ordeal. However, as soon as she let go, to their shared horror, the supposedly healed shoulder abruptly fell right back out.

"_AUGH_!" Frankie erupted with agonized roar. "No you _didn't_! No you _didn't_! You didn't get it! You _didn't_!"

"_AAAAAA_!" Kathy screamed as she immediately grabbed hold of the dangling limb again. "Oh my God, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Here, lemme just-"

"_OW_! Let go! Let go!" the caretaker cried out as she started thrashing about in an attempt to stagger away, despite her friend's pleas. "No way are you gonna try and-"

"_Please_, if you'd just let me try one more time, I think I-"

"_GRANDMAAAAAAAAAAAA_!"

* * *

"...I found some more in the freezer downstairs!" The little brown-haired boy announced as he scampered into Foster's tiny infirmary. Frankie glanced up from where she lay atop one of the beds, spotted the load of ice packs in the child's hands, and smiled weakly in relief.

"Thanks, pal." She murmured as she gave Mac an affectionate pat on the head. "Just toss those on with the rest, okay?"

Obediently he did as bid, and tossed his armload onto the little pile already lying heaped upon the redhead's aching shoulder. Meanwhile, a wizened old woman standing at the bed side stroked the young woman's head and reassured, "You should be as good as new tomorrow, dearie. Just make sure you use that arm there for as little as possible for the rest of the day, all right?"

"All right." Frankie answered and whispered weakly, "Thanks, Grandma."

Madame Foster chortled and broke out into a warm grin. "It was only a simple dislocation, nothing an old fogy like me can't handle. Now, if I only had a penny for every time I've had to help someone with that over the years, and let me tell you, some friends who have lived here have had quite the number of arms, then…oh dear, is she _still_ going on?"

At this point they looked up at the other young woman in the room, who wrung her heads furiously and looked as positively mortified as could be as she continued apologizing incessantly, as she had been for the last few minutes without pause, "…I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Frankie, honest, I never, _ever_ meant for you to-"

"Kathy, would you just give it a rest already?" Frankie begged wearily. "I told you, I'm not mad at you. For Pete's sake, if we painted you red and put you on stilts, it'd be just like having another Wilt around the house."

"What do you want me to do? Parade around the house and proclaim the good news that I injured my best friend, and then tried to tear her arm out?" Kathy whined.

"I'd prefer _that_ then watching you beat yourself up from here to eternity." The redhead answered. "C'mon, will you _stop_ freaking out about this? Grandma took care of everything, I'm just _fine_."

"I…I know, but _still_," Kathy murmured ruefully, as she continued to be wracked by guilt. "This _never_ would've happened if-"

"It's not like you grabbed her arm and intentionally dislocated." Mac piped up, earning him a nod of agreement from his guardian.

"The little guy has a point. It was _only_ an accident." Frankie stated what felt like the thousandth time. "Plus, like you said, I was the one who agreed to this in the first place."

After silently fidgeting about for a few moments, Kathy sighed and finally conceded, "I guess…"

"Something tells me yoga just isn't my thing." The caretaker tried to joke in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Apparently." Kathy agreed, before she grimaced in puzzlement. "Still though…I mean, I just don't believe it, I still just don't believe it. I mean, I must've done that 'Budding Lotus' a hundred times during my weekend classes, and I never had anything like that happen to _me_."

It was about then that she started contorting herself into the fateful pose. "I mean, seriously, all you do is tuck the leg like this, bend forward, stretch out your arms, take the right one and slowly spin it-Y_OWWWW_!"

With a sickening _pop_, her right arm tumbled out of the air and down to her side, where it swung limply like a piece of rope. Immediately, the infirmary became cloaked in a dead silence, as all went ashen-faced at the hideous sight. Well, all save one, who had seen far worse over the span of her extensive lifetime.

"Oh...dear me..." Madame Foster just sighed wearily as she rolled up her sleeves.

As she gazed dumbly at her dislocated arm, Kathy whined while her facial tone went as pale as flour, "My...my arm, it's...it's...it's not...i-it actually...m-my arm's not...I-I...I just...and now it's not-"

"We know, dearie, we know." the old woman tried to sound as reassuring and calming as she could while she pushed the stunned girl down gently onto the nearest empty bed before clambering up alongside her. "Don't worry, you'll be fine. Just give me a couple moments, and this'll all be over...now, just try and keep relaxed, all right?"

"O-okay..." Kathy, still reeling with shock, just murmured before starting to mentally prepare herself for what was to follow shortly. As she averted her gaze from where Madame Foster was readying herself to force her arm back in place, she looked to her friend and whispered hoarsely with a wince, "F-Frankie?"

"…Yeah?" the pale-faced redhead managed to answer as she winced uncontrollably at the unpleasant spectacle, while Mac just moaned in horror and promptly buried his head into her midriff to avert his eyes.

Kathy whimpered. "…You're not gonna mind sharing those ice packs anytime soon, are you?"

**The End **


End file.
